Government To Consider Winter Break For Exhausted Population
BP Plugs Leak With Giant Vuvuzela
Local Man Defies Hose Pipe Ban
Israel Opens Up First Gaza Strip Club
Poll Reveals Asian Girl On Bike As Summer’s Top Hipster Accessory
Cameron Named Election Winner After Five-Day Ad Break
Bleaching Your Moustache Won’t Make It Disappear, Say Boyfriends Of Girlfriends
We Are At War, With Icelandic Geo-Environmental Terrorists
Damn It Feels Good To Be A Carbon-Neutral Gangster
Oh Dear Darling! Nation Up In Arms After Chancellor Hikes Tax On Cider
New Research Reveals All Scouts Were Nazis
Michael Foot Leaves Us With ‘Longest Suicide Note In History’Current Affairs»
Government To Consider Winter Break For Exhausted Population (0)
The Government is considering implementing a winter break for exhausted English employees after poor performances at work this summer we’re blamed on the strain of completely reasonable continuous employment during January. The schedule of the Christmas period, when workers are expected to perform for up to four days a week while carrying heavy hangovers from [...]
Entertainment»
‘Where’s EastEnders?’, Ask Britain’s Women (0)
Britain’s women reacted with anger last night, after it emerged that popular BBC soap opera EastEnders had inexplicably disappeared from the evening’s TV schedules. “Where’s EastEnders?”, said the nation’s female population, demonstrating expressions of shock, dismay and confusion. The programme appeared to have been replaced at the last minute by a newly commissioned comedy involving [...]
Politics»
Paul Gascoigne Named UK Ambassador to UN (0)
Former England footballer Paul Gascoigne has been named the UK’s ambassador to the UN, after driving all the way from Newcastle to ask for the job. Gascoigne, known to millions as ‘Gazza’, turned up at UN headquarters in New York on Friday night claiming to be a friend of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. “Just let [...]
Science»
Aliens Probably Just as Shit as Humans (0)
Aliens are real and they probably want to throw patio furniture at you, according to physicist Stephen Hawking. In a new television documentary, Hawking claims that alien lifeforms are unlikely to want to lead the human race into a new technological dawn, and in fact probably enjoy setting fire to things and hitting animals. Science [...]
Sport»
Tour de France At The Mercy Of Bike Gangs (0)
“Bike gang culture has marred what has been an otherwise splendid Tour de France,” were the damning words from cycling legend and five times Tour winner Eddy Merckx this morning. After years of battling to keep it under control, the Tour’s organisers conceded that in 2010 the urban gangs of cycling’s underbelly have finally pedaled [...]
Entries (RSS)